The 3 Cs; What Bedtime is Really About

Learn how to create a meaningful routine with your child that brings you two closer

Bedtime with children can often feel like a bit of an uphill battle. Most parents try to follow a bedtime routine to get their little one into their beds so they can finally finish up all the jobs on their to-do list as they juggle other aspects of adult life. Yes, bedtime does serve a practical purpose, but what if, underneath it all, it can be more meaningful? A bedtime routine should serve three core functions: to contain, to connect and to calm.

Containment

After getting home from a big day at nursery, toddlers often have big experiences they want to share with their parents. For parents, it can feel like they are pushing your buttons as you work on other duties, but ultimately, the kids are craving for a space that can contain and support their feelings. If your child is showing you a new dance move, they learnt or want to tell you an exciting story about their day, it is their attempt to connect with you.

How to Contain Your Child’s Feelings?

Adding in nurturing time to your winddown routine can help children relax ahead of sleep times. This could involve asking them engaging questions about their day during bath time. Holding space for them and showing your unconditional love is a part of containing big feelings! Being a listening ear doesn’t mean you have to fix their worries, simply recognising the feelings, helping them to name it and then thanking them for sharing is a great way to structure these bedtime conversations to keep them short and sweet.

Connection

For little people, bedtime can feel intimidating as it signifies a period of separation from their parents; people who make them feel safe. To make separation easier, we can work to build their confidence and independence and, filling up their ‘Love Tanks’ to make them feel secure.

How to Develop Independence in Children?

By giving children the opportunity to play safely and independently on the floor for short periods to gradually build up their confidence and motor skills.

Toddlers and children love to feel helpful, so giving them age-appropriate tasks to complete and succeed at can build their self-efficacy and lessen separation anxiety. If your little one does have separation anxiety, it’s essential to not to try and force them to be independent before they are ready as this can worsen anxiety.

How to Fill Up the Love Tank?

The Love Tank is a concept which involves connecting emotionally and physically your child to top up their tank with your love. When it is full, children can feel secure, whereas when it is less full, they may ‘misbehave’ to attract your attention.

For babies

Physical touch (cuddles, massage, kisses)
Tickling and giggling
Holding them close to you
Dancing together
Listening to music
Sensory play together

For toddlers and children

Getting on their level and playing with them
Chatting and asking engaging questions
Physical touch
One-on-one time with your undivided attention
Eye contact
Planning activities together

How to Connect with Children During Bedtime?

A special handshake
Sharing your favourite moment of the day
Asking them what they would like to dream about
Doing a body scan
Pretending to call your child on the way out the room: "ring ring.., oh hello, I love you!"

Calm

As parents we cannot force our children to go to sleep but we can create a calming environment since little ones can drift off into a peaceful slumber easily. We all know that sleep occurs when we are feeling calm. If you’re too stressed, falling asleep just seems impossible. The same is true for babies and children.

By aiming for calm, it’ll change our goal-oriented mindset from something we aren’t capable of enforcing - sleep - to something we can co-create with a little person - a state of calm. Calmness is critical because often sleep techniques are actually just ways, we can support children to become calm.